6 months on T and 3 weeks post op

I really should update this more but I'm getting useless at recording changes and what not!
I'll start with surgery updates. I've had all my dressings off and I've seen my chest. It was fairly swollen but most of that has gone down now. It looks very natural and nipple placement is great. Talking about nipples, one is still scabbed over but the other is not, it looks rather horrible at the moment and I'm a little worried. I will call the hospital tomorrow to ask about it!
I had an infection which was causing my scar to seep a little fluid. I've been on antibiotics for 3 days now and it's much better. I don't wear any tape on the incisions now, so I can apply vitamin e to the scars. I've actually been using a cream for stretch marks as it also contains collagen and elastin.
As far as testosterone goes, my changes are slow and steady. I am constantly getting hairier and my fat distribution is changing. I really need to hit the gym as soon as I'm totally recovered from surgery!

Dressings off tomorrow!

Eeeeeeeeeeeee!! Can't wait, I get to see my chest tomorrow and I'm crazy excited. Not sure if I will actually be able to sleep tonight, and not just because it's uncomfortable!

3 days post op and my surgery experience

Today is the first day I've felt like blogging. I'm still quite sore but I'm adjusting to the tightness and the lack of arm movement. I'm taking tramadol for the pain and it is working well. The tightness of the bandage is the only real discomfort I have at the moment but I know it's totally worth it.
So, on Monday we arrived at the Welbeck hospital at 2pm and I was shown to a private room (with bathroom and tv). A nurse came in with the anaesthetist to ask me lots of questions and talk me through the anaesthetic. She was amazing and told me not to worry about anything. A bit later, Miles Berry came in to ask me some more questions and to make sure I understood any complications that could occur. He then drew on my chest and I got changed into the gown, surgical stocking and amazing paper pants! I then waited for about an hour to walk down to theatre.
I was led down to the recovery room where I had to lie down on the table. The IV was put in and the monitors were attached to my back, side and finger. I was given some oxygen and the anaesthetic and that's all I remember.
I woke up back in the recovery room and felt wide awake straight away. I had a lot of pain in my chest and sides where the drains were. I lay there for about 20 minutes and then they wheeled me back upstairs and into my room. The hard part was moving across into my bed. That was agony! The day nurse I had was not great. She made me wait 15 minutes to go to the toilet. She was off having a chat. I was relieved when the night nurse came to take over. She was awesome! I managed to go to the bathroom on my own after the first time. I just carried my drains and put them in the sink! I had a couple of hours sleep and then it was time for the drains to come out.
Dr Berry came in to see me in the morning and said that the drains could come out and I could put my compression vest on. I was nervous about the drains but they actually didn't hurt at all. I felt the left one moving under my skin but no pain, and I didn't feel the right one at all. In fact, the only pain I had was when the nurse removed the tape holding the drain in place! After that I was able to get dressed and go home! So now I'm 3 days post op and will update soon!

One week until surgery

It's Tuesday today, surgery is on Monday next week. Safe to say I am a massive bundle of nerves, excitement and happiness! I have started to take arnica 4 times a days as instructed by the hospital. I will continue to do so after surgery for ten days.
I'm now not allowed to take anything containing aspirin, drink or smoke for the next week. Not that I would be smoking anyway! I'm trying to make a list of things I will need for after surgery. Thank goodness for YouTube on that one!
I think I'm going to load up my iPad with movies, books, music and games just in case I feel well enough to be bored!

Consultation update and surgery date!

Today I went to see Miles Berry for my top surgery consultation. I don't think I've ever met a doctor who made me feel more comfortable. He was funny, friendly and most of all professional and knowledgeable. I am so impressed by his ability to put me at ease so quickly. Anyway, the consultation was at welbeck hospital in London and this is how it went:
Arrived at hospital
Filled out forms about medical history
Met with surgeon
Talked about the procedure
He looked at my chest and took measurements
Talked more about the procedure
Booked a date
Paid for consultation
Went home

Smooth, simple. Easy.
I'm over the moon, I really am. My surgery is scheduled for may 14th which is just under 3 weeks away. I'm thrilled that its booked in and so happy that it's soon!!

Stealth- To Be or Not To Be?

There's something I want to talk about while it's fresh in my mind. I am subscribed to someone on YouTube that I admire a lot, he is always positive and helpful. He posted a video about coming out as trans after having lived as stealth for a long time. For some, I think this is a wonderful thing to do. It brings awareness and with awareness comes information and education. But I could never do it. I'll tell you why. I have lived as male for about 5 years now, even though I am only in the early stages of medical transition I have never had a problem passing. The reason I am transitioning is to eliminate the question in the back of people's minds when they ask how old I am. I looks about 14 and people just don't believe I am 21! I am also medically transitioning so I can feel more at home in my body. Something that is happening very slowly but I am getting there. Personally, if I came out as trans, I feel people would treat me differently. Instead of being "one of the guys" I'd be "that transsexual", a role I do not wish to play. I am a man, a boy, a guy, a dude, a chap. I am all these things but I do not wish to be trans. I'm proud of who I am and the journey I am on but I do not wish everybody to know. Perceptions change and friendships can become strained. It's just not for me. But for those who are out and proud, I salute you. You are braver men than me and you have my respect. I play my part at the sidelines, on here and on YouTube. I aim to educate and help those who seek me out but that will always be the full extension of my participation in the community. Just wanted to get that off my soon to be flat *fingers crossed* chest!

So many hurdles!

So today we called Welbeck hospital to book in with Dai Davies and have been informed he is taking a 6 month sabbatical. I hope he is alright but this does mean that he won't be my surgeon like I hoped. We were told that Dr Miles Berry has taken over Dai's patients and that I can see him if I choose to. I will call tomorrow to make an appointment with him as I have looked him up online and he seems to be very qualified!
These set backs do irritate me as I like to plan everything down to the minute but I have to get used to it. This is a journey with lots of bumps in the road

4 months on T and some good news

Today I had my third appointment with Dr Curtis at the Transhealth clinic. It is always great to talk with him because he's so friendly. He is also, obviously, well informed. Which makes it feel like a chat with a friend who can solve any problems or queries you may have. So after a nice talk about how testogel is going for me he asked me what the next step would be for me. I said I'd like to get top surgery out of the way and badabingbadaboom. Referral. So, next week I will be calling Dai Davies at welbeck hospital to book a consultation. I'm so excited its unreal. I never thought this day would actually come!

As far as the gel goes, I still love it. My changes are nice and steady and not too slow. My voice is still getting steadily deeper, my body hair is coming through like mad and I even have patches of facial hair! My periods seem to have completely stopped now, which is really nice. No more monthly hassle and dysphoria about it! I still sweat like crazy but I don't even mind that!
Life is good today.

Packers Packers Packers

So, I've had packers on my mind lately. For the last two years I have been using a Mr Softie (extra small) and I've been fairly happy with it. It gives a nice realistic bulge and generally makes me feel better about wearing jeans, tight pants, etc. Depending on where you get your packer you may get a different colour. Mine is a very realistic skin colour but as we know a bio males penis is a few shades darker than the skin tone on the rest of his body. My Mr Softie is actually a little paler than I am, and I am incredibly pale!!

After a bit of research into different packers I decided to upgrade to a larger size Mr Limpy. The colour looks a little darker (it hasn't arrived yet so I can't be sure) and it's a bit longer. I thought this would be a good idea for a few reasons; the first being it won't look like I am constantly aroused as the extra small doesn't hang well, and the second reason being if you can choose your penis size then maybe it's worthwhile to be generous! I'm not a tall guy so I haven't gone crazy on length but it will be nice to have some more substance down there!

My reason for sticking with these types of soft packers is because they are durable, realistic, comfy to wear and best of all cheap! The popular Mr Right would set me back £40, and what am I paying for? A better looking firmer packer. This doesn't matter to me. I'm the only person who sees my packer and I am certainly not being groped by strangers on a regular basis! I love the feel of the Mr Softie through jeans and so does my boyfriend.

If I wear hugely rich I would buy one of the realistic prosthetics that you glue on but the danger with this would be my constant desire to whip it out! Just kidding...or am I?

Blood Test Results

This morning I decided it would be a good idea to keep an online record of my blood test results. Hopefully this will also help out other people!

Pre-T results:
Oestradiol- 148 pmol/L
Extracted Testosterone- 1.7 nmol/L
SHGB- 31 nmol/L
Testosterone SHBG Ratio- 5.5 


3 Months on T Results:

Oestradiol- 207 pmol/L

Extracted Testosterone- 36.1 nmol/L

SHGB- 22 nmol/L

Testosterone SHBG Ratio- 164.1 

3 Months on Testogel

Today I am exactly 3 months on T. I should be ecstatic but the NHS have dampened my mood yet again. I had blood tests done 3 weeks ago in preparation for surgery this month. I was informed that my blood was lost. So yet again I had the tests repeated. Not only am I miserable that top surgery will have to wait another month but the phlebotomist was new to his job and made a real mess of my arm. I'm getting sick of NHS involvement. They are constantly letting me down. But, with any luck I will have results to show Dr Curtis by next week!
As far as changes are concerned I am HAIRY!!!!

Ten weeks and some great news!

70 days on T!!! Still can't believe how quickly the time flies and I couldn't be happier. Changes are happening far more quickly than I could have imagined and I love the gel. It works really well for me. My voice is still dropping each week and I now pass as male on the telephone, which is wonderful! My arms, legs, stomach and chest are getting hairier constantly and I have some facial hair coming in on my top lip and under my chin. I'm getting more acne but I'm cleansing my face well everyday so hopefully it stays under control!
Anyway, on to the good news! I was furious when I went to the doctors surgery the other day and they called me "miss" in front of the whole waiting room. I have always passed as male so to be outed like this was devastating. Especially as I do not live in the most tolerant of areas! I have asked them to change my title so many times as I have legally changed it anyway. They told me to take it up with the local PCT. the first time I did this, they did nothing. So I decided to pour my feelings of embarrassment, anxiousness and misery into a letter to the PCT stating that they must update my title or I will take further action. 2 days later I received a phone call to say that they would not only update my title but they will change my gender and make my files sensitive. I am ecstatic!

Two months!

Time is really whizzing by! 8 wonderful weeks have gone by and I am a very happy boy. With any luck I'll be seeing Dr Curtis in 2 weeks time and get a referral for top surgery. I need to get my blood tests done next week for everything to happen in time though, an knowing my local NHS facilities this could take much longer!
Anyway, as far as changes go, my voice has settled a bit and has not dropped much further. I have a bit of acne due to facial hair coming though on my jawline but it is totally manageable at the moment. I have some dark hairs on my top lip and blonde hair coming in on my lower jaw. I'm still sweating more and as annoying as it is, I smell better so it's not so had! I smell far less feminine now, according to my boyfriend! Spotting seems to have stopped now and I am hoping the period does not return this month! I have much more body hair coming in on my legs and stomach, there's no change to the hair on my arms. Thats all I can see at the moment.

6 weeks on T and 6 weeks until surgery!

Hello! Today I am in very good spirits! I am 6 weeks on T and I can't believe how quickly the time is flying by. I was told I would have to be on T for 3 moths before a top surgery referral and I am half way there!!! Woohoo! My voice is still dropping and breaking all over the place and I am getting hairier by the day. I now have some long blonde hair on my top lip so that's a good sign of things to come!
The muscles in my back are developing nicely as are my arms. My legs still need a lot of work but I plan to hit the gym and more excitingly the pool after surgery :)
The main thing I'm excited about today is my new webcam! My YouTube videos will now be better quality and this makes me happy!

One Month on Testogel

I'm finding it hard to believe that I have been on Testogel for just over a month now. Time really is flying by! A lot has changed for me in the past 4 weeks and I am overjoyed that the gel is working well for me. My voice drops more and more each week, currently it goes very very squeaky when I talk loud or try to shout, but I really don't care. It's all a sign that changes are going in the right direction.


My arm muscles are becoming more defined and it is much easier to work out now, I am pleased about this because I urgently need to lose weight. Due to depression and comfort eating I became quite the chub monster! Time to deal with that as I would like to be as healthy as possible for surgery.


My periods have not yet stopped but it is still early days. I was a bit bummed out when it came back and it has lasted longer than usual but has not been heavier or anything and there has been no pain yet!


My fat seems to be redistributing to my stomach and the shape of my legs is changing slightly. Time for sit ups! Oh yes, and my body hair is coming in a bit more- it's creeping up my belly and up my legs too. All good! The gel is working very well for me and I'm loving it!

Three weeks on Testogel

Now that Christmas and the new year are over I can get back to my blogging and vlogging. I have been using Testogel for 21 days and I'm really happy with the changes that have happened. My voice is continuing to drop, so much so that I can sing a lot lower and can't sing as high. My skin is breaking out, but with a good cleansing routine it seems to be manageable. My stomach is getting hairier as are my legs.
I'm not certain if I mentioned prickly heat in my last post but I will say it again just in case. Due to sweating more and wearing a binder I am getting a prickly heat sensation all over my torso. I am counting down the days to top surgery now!!
My partner informs me that my smell has changed and it's less feminine which is music to my ears! I am also a little less sensitive. But I am sure this is due to my new positive outlook on life! All in all I am a very happy chappy!